The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
