insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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