this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
its not stalking. its research.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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