In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
