i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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