I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
