my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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