you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
