I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
