dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize