Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
