I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Come on in and take your pants off
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