he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My balls are so social today.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
