Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
