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I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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