I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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