Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize