Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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