my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize