Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
