I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
