WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
