I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
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