if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
