I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
