Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
