It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
