Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize