Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
