Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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