dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My vagina just clenched in fear
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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