Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
