I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
