Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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