He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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