but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I need water and some morals
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
