I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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