The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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