mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
