"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I think i got beer on your cat.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
