Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
