then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
