He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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