I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
