I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
