Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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