My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
