Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
