my mouth tastes like poor choices
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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