We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
