Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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