come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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