Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
