All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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