sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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