How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize