I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
