it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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