it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
