U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Randomize
