i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I would ride that face into the sunset
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
