He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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