so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
