Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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