I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
